#mindflipmonday with Becca Schutt
I created #mindflipmonday as a coping mechanism for the challenges in life. A mindflip is a way to see a more positive perspective in something less than ideal. It could be something as simple as getting stuck in traffic and enjoying good music or more complex like getting diagnosed with diabetes and feeling like a better person because of it. I started sharing people’s mindflip stories as a way to let people know that they are not alone in their struggle. Instagram and Facebook way too often send messages of happiness, perfectionism, or other unrealistic ideals. It’s typically not real life and can lead to unhealthy comparison and feeling like we are alone in our struggle.
If you are new to mindflips, head over here for a more detailed explanation.
The story below is by Becca Schutt. I met her at NC State University when I was the Fitness Coordinator and she became a Group Fitness Instructor in 2013. I hope you can find healing and acceptance around whatever you are going through as you read her beautiful story.
Self-Worth: My Daily Battle to Challenge the Status Quo
To be completely honest with you, and myself, this was very difficult for me to write, mostly due to the fact that this is something I still struggle with…every, single, day. So initially, I felt like a hypocrite to write this. So, I think it is important for you to know that this is certainly not something I’ve mastered or completely overcome, but it is something in which I’ve come a long way and I’m proud of that!
External Self-Worth
As long as I can remember I’ve looked to things and people, outside of myself, to fill my cup and determine my self-worth.
So growing up that looked like:
- A’s on my report card
- Student Body President
- SPC Conference Player of the Year
- Academic Scholarship to NC State
As a result of these things, I felt, smart, athletic, well-liked by my peers, and ultimately secure in my future and what lay ahead. None of these things are bad, in and of itself, but if any of these things would have been stripped from me, I can guarantee that I would have been left feeling broken and filled with doubt – ultimately questioning my worth. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I never experienced true failure until well into my undergraduate career.
The First Big Hit to my Self-Worth
It really wasn’t until Flywheel that this all came crashing down on me! Prior to Flywheel, I taught at NC State, as an undergraduate student. I taught Cardio Dance, HIIT, TRX, Boot-Camp, Cycling, and any other strength format you could think of. I became accustomed to my classes “waitlisting” within hours of registration opening. In fact, I had to utilize two studios for my Cardio Dance class and would consistently max out at 90 participants every week for 6 semesters straight.
Entering the Flywheel community, I knew I would have to work hard, but was confident that I could build rapport with old and new riders, as I did at NC State. For probably the first 6 months or so, “numbers” didn’t phase me. By numbers I mean – “how many/what percentage of the 48 bikes are booked.” I was still perfecting the new verbiage, spending hours obsessing over each playlist, and nervous getting on the bike…so I didn’t have time to worry or even care about “numbers.” However, once teaching started to become “second nature” to me, I found myself in a really dark place.
Downward Spiral
I would check my numbers (we have the ability to check our rosters on our phones) 20 times a day. I would go to the studio and see what numbers for the rest of the day looked like and even see how numbers looked like the rest of the week for the particular time slot I was teaching. This was all “fine and dandy” when the studio was busy and numbers were high…but with the natural ebbs and flows of “boutique fitness” my numbers inevitably dipped and self-destruction ensued and my self-worth plummeted.
It literally knocked the breath out of me. My numbers had become directly correlated with my self-worth and it was heart-breaking and crushing beyond belief.
Upward Spiral
However, with the help of my incredible husband, some incredible mentors (Brit and ALK), and with some seriously focused intention, I feel like I am back on the right path. Instead of focusing on numbers, I have started to focus on the quality of what I do. I put my entire heart into each playlist I create and class I teach, so I now focus on the relationships I’ve formed and the lives I know I’ve touched along the way. I hold on tightly to the “I had a really hard day at work and this is exactly what I needed” the “Your playlist was amazing. Can I find it anywhere online?” and the “I was so in the zone today, thank you for helping me finally reach 300!”
Work in Progress
This is a mindset I have to intentionally fight for every single day. Some days I win the battle and victory is so sweet, other days are harder and end in tears. My hope is that the tears are increasingly less frequent as time goes on.
So my challenge to you is to reflect and see where your worth is placed. (Often times this is hidden within something you are currently experiencing success in). And if you aren’t sure ask yourself “If this _____ was stripped away, how would I feel?” I can’t begin to describe the freedom I experience when I claim victory over declaring my own self-worth!
by: Becca Schutt
Thank you SO much Becca! It’s amazing how challenges can teach us so much about ourselves. I know that I wouldn’t be who I am without the hard times.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and would love to hear your thoughts below! And don’t forget to sign-up for my Resilience on Draft newsletter to receive more mindflip stories.
with good intentions,
Brit
